Comments on: Muslim Couples and Infertility: Plan Ahead! http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/ where the Arab world thinks out loud Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:56:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Lozah http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-1679 Lozah Tue, 12 May 2009 11:18:33 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-1679 Just the other day I ran into a woman who used to teach at my high school - Miss D. She told me she and her husband couldn't have children (didn't mention which one of them was infertile). They're Muslim, and most Muslims can agree that adoption is haraam (forbidden). Actually, that statement may be a bit misleading, it's not adoption of a child in itself that's haraam, it's treating an adopted child exactly as if they were your biological child (i.e. not telling the child (s)he is adopted, not telling them who their real parents are, etc.). There are alternative forms of adoption that are encouraged in Islam such as kafala (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption_in_Islam). Miss D and her husband found a creative solution. They chose to do kafala of an orphan baby boy, and she had her sister (who was then breastfeeding her own child) suckle the baby, thereby making him a mahram and solving the hijab issue. I agree that these issues should be discussed pre-marriage. Just the other day I ran into a woman who used to teach at my high school – Miss D. She told me she and her husband couldn’t have children (didn’t mention which one of them was infertile).

They’re Muslim, and most Muslims can agree that adoption is haraam (forbidden). Actually, that statement may be a bit misleading, it’s not adoption of a child in itself that’s haraam, it’s treating an adopted child exactly as if they were your biological child (i.e. not telling the child (s)he is adopted, not telling them who their real parents are, etc.). There are alternative forms of adoption that are encouraged in Islam such as kafala (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption_in_Islam).

Miss D and her husband found a creative solution. They chose to do kafala of an orphan baby boy, and she had her sister (who was then breastfeeding her own child) suckle the baby, thereby making him a mahram and solving the hijab issue.

I agree that these issues should be discussed pre-marriage.

]]> By: Maryam http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-651 Maryam Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:49:32 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-651 Assalamu Aleikum Sisters, I knew I could not have children since I was 11 years old.. A condition called AIS.. I also needed vaginoplasty to reconstruct my very shallow vagina, now in my late 20's I doubt that I will ever find a man or have sex let alone have any children. I think most people find out once they are married and trying for a baby; in some sense there is a chance to look at other options. But If I could find a man who could love me as i am with the possibility of adopting I would. I pray that we all find a good husband and that Allah will bless us with a child in one way or another inshallah. Maryam Assalamu Aleikum Sisters,
I knew I could not have children since I was 11 years old.. A condition called AIS.. I also needed vaginoplasty to reconstruct my very shallow vagina, now in my late 20′s I doubt that I will ever find a man or have sex let alone have any children.

I think most people find out once they are married and trying for a baby; in some sense there is a chance to look at other options. But If I could find a man who could love me as i am with the possibility of adopting I would.

I pray that we all find a good husband and that Allah will bless us with a child in one way or another inshallah.

Maryam

]]> By: Nour Abu Assab http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-405 Nour Abu Assab Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:04:23 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-405 Dear all, I believe that the issue of infertility here is beside the point. This is not the point. There are several issues that have to be clarified here. First and foremost, God in the Quran says, and I am using my own translation and understanding as a professional translator; "Capital and offspring are the garnish of terrestrial life.” While talking about garnish, we are referring to accessories rather than necessities. No one, as a human being is required to have children. It is not our duty on earth to deliver and reproduce. You can construct earth through teaching, developing the community, and even on smaller levels such as treating people well, as it is known that “your religion is the way you treat people.” Second, most of us were raised to believe that reproducing is an obligation for every Muslim. However, I would definitely disagree with this argument, because and according to my understanding to the Quranic Sura “Al-Takathur” this is invalid. From a linguist point of view, I would say that this Sura addresses people of the pre-Islamic period, Al-Jahiliyah, by telling them that they got too involved in and distracted by hoarding your numbers, i.e. you bragged about being a large nation. Then, the Sura goes on by saying: “you have even visited symmetries, No you shall know, and no you shall know. You shall know with certitude that you shall see hell…” I have noticed that there is no accurate translation for the Quran in English. Again, as a translator, I would say that this Sura asks the people it addresses of not getting too involved and distracted by reproduction. Third, there is Islamic evidence, which most people misuse by interpreting it as encouraging for reproduction. The evidence I am referring to is the famous saying for the prophet: “Get large in number, I shall brag with you amongst other nations on the day of resurrection.” Unfortunately, this saying is widely misused amongst Muslims all over the world, as it had been taken out of its original context. This statement of the prophet, Peace be Upon Him, was made at a time Muslims were inviting other nations to Islam [During the time of Da’wa], not to oblige Muslims to reproduce, because God knows that some are unable to have babies. Therefore, it would reflect encouraging Muslims to invite others to Islam. Finally, I would like to add that many cultural customs and tradition are undoubtedly and allegedly coined to Islam. For that reason, we Muslims need better interpreters for Islam, which has been deformed by irrational cultural values it had been meant to erase. It is highly documented, though, that we tend to refer to textbooks and references that are neither reliable nor credible to understand the Quran. My argument here is intended to clarify that reproduction is not an obligation, it is a matter of choice and that Islam is by no means linked to culture. Islam requires its followers, namely, to remove all cultural and national boundaries between nations and be unified under the umbrella of an Islamic ‘Ummah’, which supersedes geographical and cultural heritage. This is, by the way, supported by the first Hijrah, when the prophet asked Muslims to overcome geographical boundaries through migrating from Mecca to Al-Madinah where Muslims of different tribes and geographical locations were attached by the linkage of Islam, unlike the events taking place now between Muslims such as Morocco and Algeria, as one unit. The sociology of religion is very interesting and contentious; however, it helps one in attaining a better understanding of religion. Hope this is useful! Best, Nour Dear all,
I believe that the issue of infertility here is beside the point. This is not the point.
There are several issues that have to be clarified here.
First and foremost, God in the Quran says, and I am using my own translation and understanding as a professional translator; “Capital and offspring are the garnish of terrestrial life.”
While talking about garnish, we are referring to accessories rather than necessities. No one, as a human being is required to have children. It is not our duty on earth to deliver and reproduce. You can construct earth through teaching, developing the community, and even on smaller levels such as treating people well, as it is known that “your religion is the way you treat people.”
Second, most of us were raised to believe that reproducing is an obligation for every Muslim. However, I would definitely disagree with this argument, because and according to my understanding to the Quranic Sura “Al-Takathur” this is invalid. From a linguist point of view, I would say that this Sura addresses people of the pre-Islamic period, Al-Jahiliyah, by telling them that they got too involved in and distracted by hoarding your numbers, i.e. you bragged about being a large nation. Then, the Sura goes on by saying: “you have even visited symmetries, No you shall know, and no you shall know. You shall know with certitude that you shall see hell…” I have noticed that there is no accurate translation for the Quran in English. Again, as a translator, I would say that this Sura asks the people it addresses of not getting too involved and distracted by reproduction.
Third, there is Islamic evidence, which most people misuse by interpreting it as encouraging for reproduction. The evidence I am referring to is the famous saying for the prophet: “Get large in number, I shall brag with you amongst other nations on the day of resurrection.” Unfortunately, this saying is widely misused amongst Muslims all over the world, as it had been taken out of its original context. This statement of the prophet, Peace be Upon Him, was made at a time Muslims were inviting other nations to Islam [During the time of Da’wa], not to oblige Muslims to reproduce, because God knows that some are unable to have babies. Therefore, it would reflect encouraging Muslims to invite others to Islam.
Finally, I would like to add that many cultural customs and tradition are undoubtedly and allegedly coined to Islam. For that reason, we Muslims need better interpreters for Islam, which has been deformed by irrational cultural values it had been meant to erase. It is highly documented, though, that we tend to refer to textbooks and references that are neither reliable nor credible to understand the Quran.
My argument here is intended to clarify that reproduction is not an obligation, it is a matter of choice and that Islam is by no means linked to culture. Islam requires its followers, namely, to remove all cultural and national boundaries between nations and be unified under the umbrella of an Islamic ‘Ummah’, which supersedes geographical and cultural heritage. This is, by the way, supported by the first Hijrah, when the prophet asked Muslims to overcome geographical boundaries through migrating from Mecca to Al-Madinah where Muslims of different tribes and geographical locations were attached by the linkage of Islam, unlike the events taking place now between Muslims such as Morocco and Algeria, as one unit.
The sociology of religion is very interesting and contentious; however, it helps one in attaining a better understanding of religion.

Hope this is useful!
Best,
Nour

]]> By: Organic Muslimah http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-207 Organic Muslimah Wed, 26 Mar 2008 22:34:05 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-207 galadriel: Salamu alaikum dear! SubhanAllah. Allah is so merciful, He takes something away from us, but then replaces it with something better. I pray that you and your husband's love grow even stronger everyday. Some scholars have said if a mother can breastfeed the adopted child, he/she automatically becomes real family. You can artificially induce lactation. Just a thought :) galadriel:

Salamu alaikum dear!

SubhanAllah. Allah is so merciful, He takes something away from us, but then replaces it with something better.

I pray that you and your husband’s love grow even stronger everyday.

Some scholars have said if a mother can breastfeed the adopted child, he/she automatically becomes real family. You can artificially induce lactation.

Just a thought :)

]]> By: Organic Muslimah http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-188 Organic Muslimah Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:32:54 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-188 I am not sure what she did exactly, but I know she had an expensive procedure done. I am not sure what she did exactly, but I know she had an expensive procedure done.

]]> By: galadriel http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-184 galadriel Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:33:52 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-184 Salam Sisters, Very close to my heart, this issue of infertility. I too cannot have children and I am not even 30 yet. The problem is with me purely...husband is healthy as a fiddle. And what made my world crumble was when I found out was that no medical intervention could help. Anyway, it took me a while to recover emotionally. Did consider adoption, but there are the hijab issues between us and the child when he/she reaches puberty. And yes, of course there is the option of supporting an orphan(s). But we want more than just supporting these kids financially too... Its also a matter of looking at the glass half empty of half full. With no kids at the moment, we have developed such a strong bond, my husband and I. We love each other to bits. I was also able to do my haj recently..and I am able to be involved in community work, take up arabic classes, organise events for muslimahs in my group etc...if I had kids, I don't think I would have been able to do all those things. But having said that, I would drop everything should I somehow ever get pregnant. I ask Allah for a child/children everytime I do my sujud during prayers. But learning to see the good in all things helps. It gives me hope and at the end of the day, that's all that matters :) Salam Sisters,

Very close to my heart, this issue of infertility. I too cannot have children and I am not even 30 yet. The problem is with me purely…husband is healthy as a fiddle. And what made my world crumble was when I found out was that no medical intervention could help.

Anyway, it took me a while to recover emotionally. Did consider adoption, but there are the hijab issues between us and the child when he/she reaches puberty. And yes, of course there is the option of supporting an orphan(s). But we want more than just supporting these kids financially too…

Its also a matter of looking at the glass half empty of half full. With no kids at the moment, we have developed such a strong bond, my husband and I. We love each other to bits. I was also able to do my haj recently..and I am able to be involved in community work, take up arabic classes, organise events for muslimahs in my group etc…if I had kids, I don’t think I would have been able to do all those things.

But having said that, I would drop everything should I somehow ever get pregnant. I ask Allah for a child/children everytime I do my sujud during prayers.

But learning to see the good in all things helps. It gives me hope and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters :)

]]> By: Organic Muslimah http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-181 Organic Muslimah Sun, 23 Mar 2008 01:55:04 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-181 ArabComment is an online magazine. My blog is like is <a href="http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">here</a> ArabComment is an online magazine. My blog is like is here

]]> By: Nisa http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-180 Nisa Sat, 22 Mar 2008 23:01:24 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-180 Salaam Alhamdulillah such a happy ending - just wondering how your friend managed to get pregnant mashaAllah? I am struggling with the same problem and would really like to know how (apart from dua which is the best of all curers) it was made possible for them? JazakAllah Salaam

Alhamdulillah such a happy ending – just wondering how your friend managed to get pregnant mashaAllah? I am struggling with the same problem and would really like to know how (apart from dua which is the best of all curers) it was made possible for them?

JazakAllah

]]> By: Maryam http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-170 Maryam Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:40:20 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-170 Err ..... Is this your blog Organic Muslimah ??? Err ….. Is this your blog Organic Muslimah ???

]]> By: Organic Muslimah http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/comment-page-1/#comment-169 Organic Muslimah Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:28:52 +0000 http://arabcomment.com/2008/muslim-couples-and-infertility-plan-ahead/#comment-169 P.S: According to Islamic law, using a sperm donor is frowned upon due to the importance of genealogy in Islam. However, as you state, modern technology has advanced so much that pretty much anything could be done for a couple, you will just need the big bucks. P.S: According to Islamic law, using a sperm donor is frowned upon due to the importance of genealogy in Islam. However, as you state, modern technology has advanced so much that pretty much anything could be done for a couple, you will just need the big bucks.

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