Recently, I was lucky enough to get the chance to speak with Ahmed Ahmed, Aron Kader, and Maz Jobrani of the world-famous Axis of Evil Comedy Tour in Dubai. And by “speak with,” I mean interrupting their lunch and rather blatantly stealing Maz Jobrani’s chair (I suppose this is my chance to apologize – and I do, I really do).

Natalia: I see that you guys aren’t stabbing me with a fork for having to do this during your meal, and I thank you for that. How do you find Dubai?

Aron: I love it. It’s very, very opulent. My relatives in Jerusalem live humbly – no dirt floors or anything, but a very simple life, and this is a big contrast.

Maz: People here get our references.

Ahmed: Dubai is very modern. It’s a beacon of light, in this sense.

Maz: It’s not exactly perfect. But there are problems everywhere you go, right?

Natalia: So, I’ve done my research or so I hope. I think I can see what you guys have in common. The Middle Eastern heritage, the desire to challenge stereotypes, the dashing good looks. How are you different?

Aron: Different fashion sense. Ahmed is the one who wears the hats…

Maz: Are you writing this down? Because he’s joking.

Natalia: [momentarily feels like a dingbat] Let’s talk about racism against people of Middle Eastern origin in the United States.

Ahmed: It’s huge. There’s nothing funny about being Middle Eastern in America right now. I’ve been called a “sand-nigger,” etc. But comedy about stereotypes is like therapy, in that sense.

Maz: I think American co-exist well with each other, all things considered, but there are still issues of prejudice you can’t escape, which is why laughing with people is important, which is why this tour is important. It shatters stereotypes. Someone once told me: “I had no idea that you people even laughed.” We are portrayed as completely humourless and that’s not even the worst of it. You know, my mother has been told, “go back to your country, bitch.” She had an accent, and people with accents seem threatening. This is beside all the stuff you would get at school, as a kid. Kids are brutal. But there are always people who have it worse than you. Like the gas station attendants, think about the crap they get on a daily basis.

Ahmed: American racists are lazy too. Someone started targeting Sikhs after 9/11, because of the turbans. Sikhs aren’t even Muslim. It’s like the Joe DeRosa joke about American people thinking that Egypt has oil.

Natalia: What about relationship weirdness? Ever since I met my Arab boyfriend all of these well-meaning people have been telling me that I must be very oppressed, raped and beaten on a daily basis. Do the women in your lives get similar crap?

Maz: My wife is a very intelligent woman, she can block it all out if need be. Our tour manager, however, had people really worried for her when we took the comedy tour to the Middle East.

Ahmed: You’ve seen the show, so you know my Egyptian princess joke, right? Girls date you to piss off daddy, and because you’re dark and exotic. A girl says, “Make me your Egyptian princess.” I put a sheet over her head and tell her to be quiet.

Aron: Jokes are good if you know what you’re talking about. Someone close to my girlfriend offers to give me a pack of Camel cigarettes, and thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. Or else we’ll talk about golfing, and suddenly there are these lame jokes being made about sand.

Maz: People base their assumptions about Middle Eastern men and relationships on the Sally Field film, “Not Without My Daughter.”

Natalia: People have mentioned it to me at least fifty times since I’ve met my boyfriend.

Maz: You should watch it. It really clues you in to the attitude.

Natalia: I watched in high school. It was actually during a lesson of U.S. history. Come to think of it, I’m not really sure how it tied in at all.

Ahmed: Speaking of attitude, we do radio shows, and sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it’s ridiculous. People have said things like, “Hey fellas, did you fly in on a magic carpet today?”

Natalia: You’re kidding.

Ahmed: Nope. You probably know that a ridiculous number of Americans don’t even have passports. The ignorance makes sense, in this light.

Maz: Here’s something we’ve noticed: the local news always juxtaposes a segment on our comedy tour with a story about angry Muslims chanting, preferably burning an American flag.

Aron: [in sugary newscaster voice] “Thirteen marines dead in Iraq. And on a lighter note…” And she goes on to talk about us.

Natalia: This is surreal. Let’s talk about happy, joyful things. Such as your comic influences – anyone in particular come to mind?

Aron: George Carlin.

Maz: When I was a kid, I loved Eddie Murphy. Career-wise, I think my biggest influence is Richard Pryor. You know what they say about Pryor – he could talk about setting himself on fire and make it hilarious. This is something I admire.

Natalia: Ok, some people find the next question annoying, but I have to ask: what are your thoughts on Election 2008 in the States?

Aron: Hillary.

Maz: I’m a Bill Clinton fan. We need to have him back in the White House in some capacity.

Aron: Bill Clinton probably wasted less sperm than Bush has wasted lives. Since we’re talking about politics, I have this to say: when we make fun of our current leadership, we are not selling out our country. We want to be proud of our country. But the Bush White House is a disaster. It should be OK to say that without being labeled a traitor.

Ahmed: Bush is an embarrassment. If I ran into him in a public place, I’d hand him some cash and ask him to stop ruining everything with his presence.

Natalia: Tell me more about taking the tour to the Middle East. How are things different?

Maz: This is the longest time we’ve been on the road, ever. We’re shooting a documentary when we’re not performing. The Showtime Arabia crew is also filming us.

Aron: In Jordan, King Abdullah came to our show. In Cairo, the audience was mostly working class. We did two shows in one day, and a total of 3,000 people saw us in 24 hours alone.

Ahmed: In Beirut, I think we ended up sold out before we even had a venue. There are all these popular Facebook groups set up over there; it’s amazing.

Maz: And we do interview after interview.

Natalia: Such as this one. Wherein I’m not even letting you chew your food.

Aron: You should just have some pizza.

Natalia: [thinking about how ridiculous she looks when she eats] No thanks.

Aron: [concerned auntie voice] You have to eat! The leftovers will just get thrown away otherwise.

Maz: No, no, write down that we gave it to the children.

Natalia: I don’t think there are any needy children at Mall of the Emirates in Dubai. At the very least, I don’t see any right now.

Ahmed: Dubai’s an amazing place, like I already said. There’s another joke I do that you’re probably familiar with, the one about conservative Muslim families hanging out next to European men in Speedos on the beach in Dubai.

Natalia: You know, I’m originally from Ukraine, and most men wear Speedos on the beach. They can look quite fetching on the right person.

Ahmed: Yeah, but on most people they look not so fetching.

Aron: Especially after you’ve just been in the cold water.

Maz: I can pull off a Speedo. For all you know, I’m wearing one right now.

Natalia: I’ll tell everyone you showed it to me.

Maz: Yes! Because you’re Ukrainian! And you get it!

Ahmed: OH MY GOD, is that Jack Nicholson over there?

[It isn’t Jack Nicholson, alas. Although in Dubai, anything seems possible at the moment. While we're gaping away we're told that it’s time for these gentlemen to do another sold-out show. Not to mention the fact that Maz’s Speedo probably needs to be adjusted beforehand.]

Tags: humor, interview