By As an American Muslim woman who chooses the hijab, I was shocked, enraged, and saddened to hear of the murder of 16-year-old Aqsa Parvez in Mississauga, Canada. Aqsa was a young Muslim girl struggling to balance the more traditional values of her family with Western culture.
This brave young girl was allegedly killed at the hands of the man that should have been protecting her: her own father. Canadian media has reported that the 16 year old argued with her father about wearing the hijab, or traditional Islamic headscarf. Friends said she would leave the house in traditional dress and change into western-style clothing when she arrived at school.
Her father, Muhammad Parvez, called 911 to report that he had killed his daughter on Monday, December 11th. She died from her injuries only hours later. Her 26 year old brother has been charged with obstruction of justice for failing to cooperate with police. To me, Aqsa is a martyr for the freedom of individual choice.
I am especially distraught that this alleged murder happened in Canada, home of “Little Mosque on the Prairie,” a TV sitcom produced by a brilliant Canadian Muslim director, Zarqa Nawaz. In the episode, “The Barrier,” first aired earlier this year; the teenage girl, Layla and her very conservative father, Baber, disagreed about her attire. She was an active girl and didn’t want to be restricted by her garments. She hid the fact that she had had her period—a traditional moment when girls are encouraged to begin covering their hair–for fear that her father would want her to wear a headscarf. While the two fundamentally disagreed about the issue, as is the case in most civilized families (Muslim or not), violence was never an option.
To some zealots, there is no place in heaven for a Muslim woman who doesn’t cover her hair. For some, it is an ancient patriarchal tradition that should be abolished. But American Muslim teens themselves are embracing the autonomy that Islam and America afford individuals. In recently released The American Muslim Teenager’s Handbook, Yasmine Hafiz, her brother, Imran Hafiz, and their mother, Dilara Hafiz, of Phoenix, Arizona, advise teens (and parents): “According to the Quran, as long as Muslims are dressed modestly and behave respectably, no specific dress code is required… modest behavior is also encouraged, therefore ogling the cute boy in Chemistry class or leering at the cheerleaders is definitely out! …Each person must read the Quran for herself and form her own opinion.”
Teens and others are turning to interpretations of Islam that assert that there isn’t one way to look if you’re a Muslim girl or woman. According to the distinguished Islamic scholar, Reza Aslan, “The veil was neither compulsory, nor for that matter, widely adopted until generations after Muhammad’s death, when a large body of male scriptural and legal scholars began using their religious and political authority to regain the dominance they had lost in society as a result of the Prophet’s egalitarian reforms.”
Some so-called “traditional” Muslims argue that ‘Western’ women are oppressed because they must derive their self-worth from the gaze of men. However, it is also true that within some Islamic communities a woman who does not cover is not afforded the same respect as one who does. The expectations are different but the result is the same; a woman’s worth is still determined by others, including men.
While living in Yemen, my friend, Kelly Wentworth, who is also a convert to Islam, experienced pressure to cover herself that did not stem from a religious mandate but a cultural one. As the wife of a Yemeni man, if she chose not to cover, the society would consider it a dishonor to her husband’s family.
It is essential that men and women make their own choices about dress for internal reasons rather than succumbing to external pressures. This is only possible when individuals have the freedom to choose. Personally, by wearing hijab, I experience a sense of autonomy, confidence and femininity I did not before. Yet, for those who have been forced to wear it, I believe it is a very physical barrier to connection with the Divine. Perhaps it is because of her belief in this freedom of choice that Aqsa Parvez was so viciously murdered.
As a Muslim, a woman, a wife, a daughter and a citizen of the free world, I am outraged by the fact that Aqsa was taken from this earth. No human being has the right to destroy the life that God has made sacred. I am sickened that this man has shamed Islam through his very unislamic acts. There is no place in the world for this kind of intolerant, chauvinistic and bigoted thinking, no matter in what faith tradition it appears.
An important distinction difficult for fundamentalists of all faith traditions is that dress codes are a matter of choice, not religious mandate or obligation. Without choice, no act bears meaning. According to Islamic scripture, an act is judged by the intent with which it was performed. If a woman chooses to wear a scarf because she believes in its benefit to her, she has a pure motive. However, if she covers to please another person, whether that person is her husband, brother, father or mother, while not believing in its benefits, the motive is lost and the act of wearing it loses all meaning.
I believe Aqsa has found her place in Paradise. I pray that in her passing we will not miss this opportunity to take a lesson from the tragedy of her death, inspiring us to practice tolerance, love, kindness and understanding with all, however they are dressed.
Tags: canada, family, hijab, islam, melissa robinson, violence
great piece. it’s time we stand up against hijab as the symbol of our purity. it’s so sad that the father couldnt have learned how to talk to his daughter. it’s the story of families since the beginning of time. but mosques have to teach the uncles how to talk to their kids.
[...] In the Name of Hijab? An American Muslim woman who wears a (self-chosen) hijab criticizes the murder of 16-year-old Aqsa Parvez, which was allegedly a response to her refusal to wear a hijab. [...]
There is nothing unconditioned (sacred) save the One (God, Christ, Allah, Nirvana, etc.). Symbols and rituals (“holy” places, dress, prayer, customs, certain acts, etc.) help us experience the One, but are not the One. Many people cling tenaciously to traditional symbols and rituals without considering the current relevance of their content. They believe their specific content was revealed at some point in the past and is co-eternal with the One, so to change the content is, to them, to abandon the One. Some of us think that the content of our various symbols and rituals is contingent and conditioned and can be changed, must be changed, to save the One from submersion and misidentification in this or that symbol or ritual. To maintain the content at the expense of the One is to perpetuate fear of the difference of others, resulting in antagonism, violence and an uncooperative “us versus them” attitude. The planet is too small. Change is difficult and must be thoughtful and considerate, but above all persistent. As Dave Dennett says, people in each faith must be about “… the unpleasant and ever dangerous work of desanctifying the excesses in each tradition from the inside. Any religious person who is not actively and publically involved in that effort is shirking a duty.”
Powerful. The more society forcefully pushes for one way or another in matters that should be left up to the individual, the more people will push back…even if the individual may have at one time considered the one way of society. Leaders, parents and others with power must not let fear and intimidation be the mediums by which they control others. Open dialogue among each other, I believe, is key to educating each other and opening doors to the future. I’m sad this parent decided to use force instead, but at least we know this is happening and are continually speaking out against it.
[...] mean. When I say things like – “AUTRELLE FUCKING HOLLAND. The one running TOWARDS you.” This is the type of thing that simply has to STOP. Period. This sort of behavior is not rooted in [...]
Ya Allah. Ya Allah. Ya Allah. As a mother of daughters, it saddens and sickens me that in this day and age, we are still involved in such behavior. Though I have always covered my hair/body since becoming Muslim 30 years ago, I raised my daughters with a sense of “no compulsion” and the importance of intention, because I wanted to stress conduct and values, rather than appearances. I never wanted them to think that it was their outward dress that would make them a “proper Muslim woman.” Though I sometimes now wish that they would always appear as “traditional” Muslim women (mainly to attract Muslim husbands), it absolutely pleases my heart (and I thank Allah so much) that they put more emphasis on BEING kind, compassionate, honest, loving, caring, hard-working, etc., rather than LOOKING a certain way.
May Allah bless young Aqza and grant her paradise. Ameen
I am a Christian author in interfaith communication with the writer of this article, and if you don’t mind a non-muslim response—whether we call him GOD, or ALLAH: does HE cast as many burdens upon us as our earthly religious leaders do,and always have. Does HE ever expect as much from us, or demand as much of us, as our religious leaders (irregardless of our particular faiths) expect AND DEMAND from us? If I may speak of him, Jesus said it is not what is on the outside, but what comes from within a man that defiles him.Again, Jesus spoke of straining at a gnat, yet swallowing a camel. Indeed, irregardless of which chosen faith we practice, I feel that in this modern age, camels are being swallowed in herds, while gnats are being swatted one by one. In closing, I have never understood, that if our creator created woman as the crowning glory of the man; and if HE created woman as the perfect helper, fitting for the man—why do men of all faiths treat with such disgrace and dishonor she which our creator in such pain-staking detail perfectly designed to be HIS final and penultimate creation. And as concerns the case in question: IF THE CREATOR DID NOT, IN THE END, REQUIRE OR DEMAND THE SACRIFICE OF ABRAHAM’S SON—WHY WOULD ANY EARTHLY FATHER THINK THAT GOD/ALLAH WOULD BE PLEASED WITH THE DEATH OF ANY MAN’S CHILD.????Thank you for the opputunity to express the view from another faith, beneath the one and only creator. Lonnie Fowler
I am deeply saddened when I see that things like this take place. I don’t know why a man would think nothing of taking the life of his child, a relative child (or any child for that matter!!!), due to fear of dishonor. I am very disgusted with the lack of respect of life. I don’t understand this “death before dishonor” mentality. I don’t think that I ever will.
The whole purpose of Islam is to submit to God and only God. Isn’t it a sin to do anything for the pleasure of man? Whether it is an action or inaction it should be done purely for the pleasure of God and only God. We have to live our lives the best way we know how and the way we feel best…and disregard to any other opinions. Because in the end we will pay for our own transgressions and not the transgressions of anyone else.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.